Bowling and Mini Golf are the two "sports" which by their awkward essence demand that you cheat and/or pretend that you care nothing about your skill level - unless you just happen to get a strike or a hole-in-one of course. In which case you are practically required to do a flamboyant dance or jiggle for your accidental victory. Jim Gaffigan - a rather favorite comedian of ours has a great sketch on bowling:
I however, would like to elaborate on the other awkward sport: miniature golfing. We used our rain-check to go mini golfing this past week in Provo. We didn't notice this sign until after we had completed the course. We laughed as we thought about all the ways we had both purposely and accidentally broken these rules, and created our own, throughout the course of the game.
Let's face it friends: the "actual" rules make for a boring game with accurate score cards which only reflect your tendency to double par. So, as an alternative to the rules, I share with you (from both observation and experience):
10 Great Ways to Cheat at Mini Golf:
- The Hockey Puck Glide: Use your putter to push the ball as though a hockey puck on ice. You get much better control this way. One glide = one stroke.
- The Assist: Help your spouse or date by giving their ball an extra tap in the direction of the hole as it is still rolling. No extra strokes need be added to the score card.
- The Sabotage: Distract your date or spouse with a putter bum tap, a fluttery glance, or with a full out hip bump as they are putting.
- The Tap Dance: Give the ball a little kick in the right direction.
- The Distraction: Simply yell, "Look over there!" Then quickly pick up your ball and throw or deposit it in the best slot to guide your ball to the hole.
- Pity Shot: If you're really bad at mini golf (like myself) and you have to keep hitting the ball uphill or something difficult without success, play the pity card and ask for a re-do as many times as you need to get the ball to a more stable place on the course. "That first shot didn't really count did it?"
- The "Accidental" Putter Drop: "Ooops! I just dropped my putter, right in line with the hole!" (The ball will hit the putter and then follow the length of it in whatever direction you've set it.) Act ecstatic and surprised, "Sweet - a hole in one!"
- The Disappearing Hole: When another player is hitting their ball, take a walk near the hole. Act surprised when your foot "accidentally" covers the hole where their ball was headed.
- The Lifeguard: Act quickly to prevent your ball from rolling into the nasty slimy water on the golf course with your putter, foot or anything else you can find.
- The Victory "V": My personal favorite. Lay two putters in a V at the edge of the hole creating an easy in for your ball as it hits the putter(s) and follows it(them) in to the hole.
With this post, you've either lost all your respect for me, or I've convinced you that you never want to go miniature golfing with me - right? Oh well, it was worth the laugh. ;)